The Writing and Photography Blog of Kevin J Sabo

I’m feeling good.

My sleep has been getting much more stable, and I’m feeling rested when rise. With one exception I’ve been getting up at a much earlier hour and I’ve been enjoying the peace along with my early morning coffee.

My mind is feeling calmer and much more focused than it was not so long ago. I honestly think I feel happy with where things are at, which isn’t an emotion I can say I am very familiar with.

M and I were discussing where I am at mentally, and he said that he feels him and I are at the beginning of the end, for several reasons.

First, I am meshing well with the new therapist at Stettler mental health, which is covered by the province.

Second, I have come a long ways over the last few years, and he can see a point in the not so distant future where I don’t need to continue therapy, at least in the form that it is taking now.

I’m not sure how I feel about those comments. He is not wrong. The thing that really concerns me with the therapist at Stettler Mental Health is I have not had a great track record with them over the years, and while I am connecting and getting along with the current therapist, I still don’t entirely trust that she will be there for me long term, again, based on previous experience.

As for not needing therapy, at least in its current form every three weeks, I feel he may be right there as well, because of how this fall has gone.

Yes, September was a little rocky, and I did go in hospital for a few days. However, it was the shortest admission I’ve had in years, and I got in front of things, and am feeling so much better for it.

Normally my bad time of year stretches from mid-August to mid-December regardless of hospital admissions. M pointed out that even despite the setback I had earlier in September, that is not proving to be the case so far this year.

How am I feeling right now?

Good.

Like I have energy.

Like I’m quick with a smile.

Confident.

In short, I’m feeling nothing like I normally would at this time of year.

Things have already shifted subtly. For awhile, years even, it felt like I was rushing from one appointment to another, ad nauseam. My appointments have begun to get more spread out over time, and while I am feeling most secure with my appointments being at three week intervals, spacing them out further does seem like a logical next step, in light of how I’m feeling.

Things change.

Seasons change.

People change.

I’m not the same person I once was, and while I need to accept the fact that I do sometimes require a little more help emotionally than the average person, I continue to grow stronger all the time.

I don’t know that I agree with M when he says we are at the beginning of the end. I feel like I am at the beginning of the next phase of my life.

Kevin