The Writing and Photography Blog of Kevin J Sabo

I’m struggling today.

I know I’ve been feeling the darkness creeping in over the last few days. My anxiety has been a lot higher, and my concentration and motivation have both been proving challenging. I definitely have not been as productive over the last couple days as I have been over the last little while.

I know that tweaking my shoulder again today on a dump run has not helped my situation any, but it is what it is. Looking at the upside of things, I’ve still been forcing myself to get out shooting, and last night I ended up taking some pretty good shots around sunset.

I still managed to get a couple hours of studying in this afternoon as well, despite how I’m feeling today. The thing of it is, I do deal with multiple, significant, mental health issues, and it doesn’t matter how balanced my meds are or how much therapy I do, bad days are still going to happen.

I need to look at the positives in the darkness.

To start, my bad days today are nowhere near as chaotic as my bad days in the past were. The fact I’m still able to be somewhat productive on my bad days is a drastic improvement over the past.

Second, I know I have support available, if I need it, but I know I’m not there yet. I’m nowhere near there yet.

Still, if this darkness hangs around or gets worse it will be worth mentioning to Dr. M when I talk to him this coming week. However, instead of looking for trouble, I’ll deal with each day as it comes, and as long as the symptoms get no worse, I’ll still be able to function, even if it is a slog. I just need to remind myself that I have been here, and worse, before and I’ve made it through so I have no reason to expect that I won’t make it through this.

Bad days happen, and they happen to everyone. With my predisposition to depression along with my other mental health issues, I may be more aware when I do start slipping, but not every slip is going to take me off the cliff.

Here’s hoping that a good night’s sleep will help in picking me up again.

Kevin