Stress Load

Outside of cleaning up a bit of work and going for a massage today has been pretty laid back.

As far as work goes, I got some graphic designing done and worked on an article. I did some studying today as well, but my mind has been wandering, so I’ll attempt to do some more later tonight or tomorrow.

As far as the shoulder goes, it’s feeling better since W worked on it, but it’s still pretty stiff and sore. Oh well, I’ll give it a few days to see if it heals on it’s own before going in to bug the doctor. The muscle relaxants seem to be helping a bit as well, but it definitely isn’t what I would call comfortable.

Mentally, I’m feeling somewhat drained. I’ve had a lot going on over the past few days, more so than normal. I know I need to reign myself in a bit, and that I can’t maintain the pace indefinitely. The thing is, I don’t have too.

I know I need the rest, and I know what’s going to happen if I don’t get it. I can back off the gas a bit and keep going, it’s a matter of how I stress-load my schedule. If I keep trying to shoe-horn in things every hour of every day, I will set myself up for another hug burnout.

Conversely, if I put holes in my schedule to get that rest I need, I should be able to make things work without having to bail on anything I’ve committed to.

It goes back to the question H asked me a few weeks ago.

“How much can a donkey carry?”

“One pound less than makes his knees buckle.”

I know I’ve stress loaded myself. I am actually back to living life, not just surviving it. Living that life means pain and discomfort. It also means paying attention to my body and accomplishing my goals.

I know Lynn, and a few others are worried about me. The fact that they are commenting on it makes me reevaluate things, and I realize I need to take the concerns seriously. I know my past.

I also know the growth I’ve made in the last couple years. I have more tools at my disposal than ever before, and my life as it sits right now isn’t about shedding the weight of the stress, it’s about redistributing the weight so I can stay on my feet.

If I have to dump things, I will, but I don’t want to go down that road yet. If it comes down to it though, I just hope I see it far enough ahead that I don’t end up in hospital again. I can’t worry about what might happen. I have to live in the here and now. Right now I’m tolerating things a lot better than I have in years.


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