knocking down trolls

Blood doesn’t make someone family.

I broke my rule of not checking social media before bed last night, and saw that a family member left a troll-like comment on one of my previous posts where I was struggling mentally. It hurt that a family member could be so callous, telling me to “get a life” when I was obviously struggling.

I was angry, and told them that if they weren’t part of the solution that they could piss off. I was unprepared for what happened next.

One by one, people who follow my blog, some real life friends, started replying to the troll. They had my back when my own blood didn’t. That is true family.

Slowly, I can feel the course of my last mental health down swing starting to turn around. That appointment I had with H yesterday definitely helped, even though the troll did throw me off a bit last night.

I appreciate the people who spoke out against the troll, and who reached out. Those small acts help me feel less alone while dealing with this mental illness.

I can’t fault the troll though. If one has never dealt with mental illness, how does one truly understand it. How can one realize that the simple advice of “get a life”. is so much more complicated.

I can’t explain the exhaustion that grips when I am dealing with a down-swing. I can’t explain the darkness that threatens to strangle me from the inside-out, and that the simple of advice of “try to cheer up” just doesn’t work.

Unless someone has been through this pain, how can they truly understand?

I’m not angry at the troll anymore. I pity them.

I pity that they live in a world where telling someone to “get a life” is acceptable when someone is hurting. I pity them that they don’t have the compassion to begin understanding what true mental health issues really are. I feel sad for them that in a time where communication has never been easier, we have drifted apart, and this is how they chose to communicate with me.

To me it says more about their own darkness than my own. I face my demons, sword in hand, and I educate along the way.

I appreciate the kindness that friends have shown standing up to the troll. I know who has my back. I know who my family truly are.


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