Knowing where I’ve been is helping me figure out where I’m going.

Tonight, I am feeling tired, but somewhat recharged.

Today was a quiet day. I spent some time poking around our local museum where a work bee was going on to get things ship shape again after the renovations. I got some writing done, and I got a workout in later in the afternoon, as I allowed myself to sleep in a bit this morning.

For my workout today, today was a strength day. I began on the treadmill for 20 minutes which is a decrease from what I was doing. Previously I was doing 30 minutes of cardio and 30 minutes of weights for strength days. The reason for the drop is I’ve been increasing the intensity of the cardio and adding in more strength components.

My peak cardio rate is up to 180bpm for short durations, which I have been hitting doing High Intensity Interval Training, which I’ve begun doing at the recommendation of the kinesiologist that I see through my hospital’s primary care network.

I warm up for 5, then do 15 minutes of one minute high intensity, two minutes of low intensity recovery. I make sure I end the 20 minutes on a recovery note, before transitioning to the weights.

The program I am currently doing is a circuit program that takes about 40 minutes to complete, for a total of 60 minutes every other day. On my non-strength days I’m back on the treadmill for an endurance run somewhere between one and two miles, and a slower more consistent heart rate, generally in the 140s.

This regime I’m on has been tough. There are days where it takes virtually all the self control I can muster to go to go down to my workout space. I manage to do it despite it being hard because I know how much better I feel because of doing it, and I know when I can’t muster up the self discipline to do it, especially for a few days in a row, that I am starting to slide.

Between the writing, the fitness, and the therapy, for the first time in I don’t know how long I can say I am actually feeling pretty good about where I am in life.

I’m not where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I’m 40. I don’t have kids. I’m basically reinventing myself after developing PTSD after working emergency services for over a decade.

The road has been rough, long, and winding. I’ve gone from bright sun to the deepest darkness of night and back again. After it all, I’m still here. I wouldn’t be here without the support of family and friends. I wouldn’t be here without prayers. I wouldn’t be here without God’s strength, because even when I gave up on Him He never gave up on me.

No I’m not where I thought I would, but I am where I am meant to be. I wouldn’t wish my experiences, my traumas, on anyone else, but I also wouldn’t take them away, because they make me who I am today. That’s something I am okay with.

Thanks for following along.


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