Ok, I’m a little cracked…

Today has been tiring, but I think I am breaking out of the slide of the last few days.

Church this morning went well, and people are loving the work that has gone into the church’s AV systems. I was acting as emcee as well as helping in the sound booth so that made life even busier for me, but it went well, aside from turning bright red on a couple of occasions. 

Oh well, crap happens. Getting up and speaking in front of a crowd, even one as friendly as my church family, is not my idea of a good time. I do it because it gets me out of my comfort zone. It’s definitely an extra stressor, but this is one stress that develops growth, rather than suffocating it. 

After church, Lynn and I went for our usual Sunday lunch with a gaggle of people from church. I’ve always enjoyed the fellowship after the service. Surrounding myself with people who know the hell I have been through, yet don’t look down on me for it. 

After lunch, I stopped at a couple locations in town to take photos before I settled into the office to catch up on some writing. The fact that I was actually able to sit down and get motivated enough to write tells me that I’m leveling out, because for a few days that wasn’t happening. 

This evening I attended the practice for the play our local theatre company is doing. I helped fill in for missing bodies, and started putting together the sounds list for the play we are doing. With the different audio clips that need to get done it looks like I’m going to have run sound and lighting with this production. 

I’ve never done lighting or sound for a production like this before, but they are willing to take a chance on me, and I am definitely learning more and more all the time. I’m nervous, but in a good way. It’s another stress that I think is going to be good for my development.

This evening has been back in the office catching up on yet more work. I’m glad to finally getting caught up again. I’m glad that I am getting the energy back to get caught up again. 

I’m tired. I’m frustrated that full-time work evades me. I’m frustrated that I get played out as easily as I do. 

I’m also grateful. I’m grateful to the supportive friends and family in our church. I’m grateful for the skills that I have developed over the years allowing me to ride out the storms in my life. They are no less intense, but they are definitely easier to tolerate. 

I’m grateful to God that he has put me onto a path with my writing, and that there are prayers I have made that have gone unanswered. I’m grateful for an understanding editor who has encouraged and coached me along the way, and understands when I need to bow out. I’m grateful for having the supports in place to not need to rely on work to generate an income, allowing me to take the time I need to heal and rest. 

I have challenges in front me. We all do. It’s part of being human. 

The extra challenges I carry with my mental illness and psychological injury from aiding others have left my foundations cracked and in need of more support than others. They explain me, they don’t define me. 

“Blessed are the cracked for they let in the light.”-Spike Milligan, Irish Comedian.


One response to “Ok, I’m a little cracked…”

  1. Elizabeth Wezelman Avatar
    Elizabeth Wezelman

    Kevin, I continue to be proud of all you do just to come through another day victorious. I couldn’t be prouder of you if I was your mother! I know how hard it is to keep going, and you are doing it with increasing strength and confidence.


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