The dawn after the storm.

After a couple of turbulent weeks I’m feeling strong and ready to head home and back into my life.

After discussions with the doctor this week, discharge looks to be set for tomorrow. I couldn’t be happier.

When I was first admitted nearly two weeks ago I said i did not want a long admission. I needed a medication review and an opportunity to recharge.

I am thankful that I was heard. I’ve come a long ways in the last couple weeks. I’m feeling like I can get back to my life at this time. I miss my wife and my pets. Its time to go home.

That’s not say that things are going to be smooth sailing from here out. I still have work ahead me. The option of scheduling a couple of admissions a year has also been floated again to keep ahead of any issues that may come up. If the facility can pull it off I fully support the idea.

The reason is simple. I know I need the extra support sometimes, and if I can release the pressure with an admission before I go into crisis mode, it will shorten my admission length, and allow the professionals to keep a little bit closer look at my meds and treatment plan in general.

Something else I have decided to do is give up my mustang. I love that car but it’s time to find a cheaper hobby. Also considering that some of my suicidal inclinations I have are at the wheel of the beast, removing the temptation will help.

Besides, I would like to use the money to get some decent photo equipment and explore that hobby, which I am continuing to grow and enjoy.

Yeah, selling the mustang does make me feel sad, but it lifts a weight off me at the same time.

I dont know what the future holds for me. It is constantly being written. I do know that every day I live is a day that my skills continue to evolve. Every day I live is a day I can thank God for not taking me when I was willing to give up.

It’s not smooth sailing from here on out. I will deal with my mental storms until the day I die. I will struggle at times. I know this isnt my last visit to the hospital. I’d be foolish to think otherwise.

The kicker is, as long as each admission goes better than the previous one, I can count it as successful. I can count it as progress towards a life where I can leave this place in the rearview mirror for the last time.

No, being in hospital isn’t ideal. But it is a beacon of hope I can find solace in until the storms quiet and dawn breaks again as it has this last two weeks.

Thank you for joining me on my journey.


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