The Writing and Photography Blog of Kevin J Sabo

It has … been far too long since I’ve written here.

I started a blog ten days ago but never circled back to complete it.

Things have been tense lately, for a number of reasons; some are good, some are bad.

First the good; at the end of September I, along with some of the management from the newspapers I write for, made the trek to Edmonton for the annual Alberta Weekly Newspaper Association awards luncheon. At the awards, I picked up two awards for one of my papers; I won a second place for a column I wrote and a third place for an environmental piece about some Red Deer Poly students who developed a cleaning attachment for solar panels. The same paper picked up a third award for an ad design as well.

Overall, Black Press, the publishing company I write and am editor for, ended up picking up around a dozen awards for the various central Alberta newspapers.

I’m not going to lie, winning those awards, particularly in my first full year on staff, makes me feel like I have found the path I am supposed to be on.

Unfortunately, the path has some speed bumps; over the last three weeks, I have been starting to spin a bit. After three years of fairly high functioning, the depression, self-harm urges and suicidal ideation have all been creeping back into my mind again. I have been feeling drained pretty much 24/7 of late, which isn’t helping matters.

I don’t think one particular thing is responsible for this latest setback; despite being off my game, work is still going good. I did have some extra stress with Lynn finally getting a needed procedure on her liver to help a long-term issue she has been having – despite still being fairly drained herself, the procedure already seems to have made a night and day difference. I also had a couple of medication changes over the summer, one of which wasn’t planned, which could also be contributing to the problems. My one med, which has been a game-changer for me, is unavailable until sometime in 2024 so I was placed onto a very similar, but different, second-line drug which I don’t think is working the way it’s supposed to. Also, add all that together with the fact that the fall is never my best time of year and you have a problematic situation.

Additionally, I haven’t had a full med review since my last in-patient stay in 2020; unfortunately, it is well known that the body can become tolerant to meds over time.

Still, even with everything going on, I know there is a problem but it is nowhere near the chaos which it would have once caused. I’m “working the problem,” to quote SEAL Team.

I’ve booked extra appointments with my therapist, I’ve touched base with my family doctor and gone back on one of the two meds that were changed this summer – I still can’t get the other one – and I have an appointment with my psychiatrist to review things before he retires sometime in the coming months.

Whether the appointment will result in a planned few-day admission to go over meds, or whether he will handle everything as an outpatient, I don’t know; I do know that something isn’t working but I’m working on getting it resolved.

Fortunately, my management has been absolutely fantastic, allowing me to take some mental health days a couple of weeks ago when things first kicked off, followed by a couple more this week as I take part in the annual Adobe Max 2023 conference.

I know I have been through this crap, and worse, before. That gives me hope, even if I don’t feel very hopeful some of the time. I know I just need to follow my plan, talk to my care team, deal with meds as needed, and ride this through to the other side, hopefully before anything too impulsive occurs which I can’t walk back.

Thanks everyone for following along, the support and prayers are appreciated.

Kevin