The Writing and Photography Blog of Kevin J Sabo

To the fallen,
I’m Sorry
I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you
I’m sorry that my skill was not up to task
I did what I could
I’m sorry that your pain was so great
that you ended your life
I’m sorry we couldn’t get to you faster
I did what I could
The injuries were just too severe
we helped your friends grieve,
and we moved on
to the next call

I am no stranger to death
Our aim is to heal
We do our best
but every fatality we respond to
chips away at our humanity
When we are too slow
When the injuries are too severe
we do what we can
We respond to the calls
We do our best, in less than best circumstances
We are there during happy times
We are there during rough times
We are there to help people grieve
Every call, we leave a piece of ourself
Until there is nothing left

Just numbness
just ever-present darkness
just hatred of myself
Just inability to cope
Just feeling lost
Feeling like I am drowning in my own mind
My past refusing to let go

Today I am healing
The darkness less overpowering
less intruding on my life
I still struggle
My past continues to haunt me
The ghosts never quite letting go
the people I couldn’t help seared in my mind
But I am learning to cope
I am doing my best

Kevin